Cramik News...and a story

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The Flying Finn
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Cramik News...and a story

Post by The Flying Finn » Wed Jul 27, 2005 3:32 pm

No Colin's page updates lately due to pc problems. But here is an entertaining tale that unfolded over the last couple days. For those of you who don't remember the original William the janitor story suffice it to say he is a mentally challenged janitor who works in our building and lives across the street, and oh yeah, is about as much of a freak as you can get.

So my buddy at work says he needs to get some cd's from William the janitor so we go across the street to William the janitor's apartment. Upon entering the apartment all you see is shelves of porn dvd's and videos. Everwhere. Stacks on the floor. There must be close to a thousand in the living room (it's a studio). In the closet there are boxes upon boxes full of porn. Jeff estimates William has at least 5,000 porn vids.

William is extremely organized. The dvd's on his shelves are categorized by 'genre' if you will, and numerically (ie, he has 'jizz lickers' #1 thru #14 - which begs the question, what is in #14 that wasn't covered in the first 13?? hmmm). He is obviously dyslexic because 1-14 are right to left rather than left to right.

Anyway, I say 'William, let me borrow one of these'. Noooooo! 'C'mon man, you can't possibly watch all these in one lifetime'. Noooooo! Jeff whispers, 'William has probably 100 of my punk cd's so just grab a dvd and I'll return it next time I come over; he'll never notice.' So I grab one that looks reasonably tasteful and is not part of a numerical series and thus not as notably absent. Mind you the shelf I took it from probably had close to a 100 dvd's. No worries mate - WRONG!

It turns out William is the fucking RAIN MAN of porn. He called Jeff last night at home and starts screaming about how he is missing a dvd and he knows we took it. He not only noticed one was missing, HE KNEW THE EXACT TITLE! And it's not like he took inventory knowing we were coming over, it was a suprise visit! Think about it. 1000 pornos sitting around and this guy notices one gone and knows the name off the top of his head. He must have a photographic memory.

So Jeff calls me and says you gotta bring that back tomorrow, William is freaking out. He says William is practically suicidal. So I bring it in and Jeff gives it back to William. Jeff is trying to calm William down and William, trying to convey his level of grief over the missing spank-enabler comes up with this gem of an analogy: Just think if Liz (Jeff's wife) went out and had an affair - that is what missing this movie is like for me. William is downright crazy and judging by his analogy I guess I am the guy who had the 'affair' with his 'wife' so he'll probably bring a gun to work tomorrow and shoot my ass.

PS: the porn sucked and was basically unwatchable. I guess I'm old school but whatever happened to guy meets girl and they get it on in a semi-mutually respectful manner? The few recent ones I've seen are basically sexual assaults with the intention of degrading women as much as possible. Does anyone find spitting in some chicks face a turn on? Oh well, more later....

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When the going gets tough the tough go skimboarding.

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CompletelyTrashedSquirrel
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Re: Cramik News...and a story

Post by CompletelyTrashedSquirrel » Wed Jul 27, 2005 3:48 pm

Paige Collins wrote: He must have a photographic memory.


Wouldn't that be a pornographic memory??

bartolini

Post by bartolini » Wed Jul 27, 2005 4:04 pm

haha good story colin

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potter
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Re: Cramik News...and a story

Post by potter » Wed Jul 27, 2005 4:44 pm

Paige Collins wrote:The dvd's on his shelves are categorized by 'genre' if you will...
I guess I'm old school but whatever happened to guy meets girl and they get it on in a semi-mutually respectful manner?


maybe you grabbed one form the "Non Semi-Mutually Respectful Porn" genre.

Guest

Post by Guest » Wed Jul 27, 2005 4:54 pm

that's a great story

teddy

Post by teddy » Wed Jul 27, 2005 5:18 pm

i just started liking tennis...

5er

Post by 5er » Fri Jul 29, 2005 2:15 pm

I'll never forget that story...so classic

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The Flying Finn
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Post by The Flying Finn » Tue Aug 02, 2005 9:48 am

Tuesday update: Jeff went over to William's this morning to get some of his cd's and he said before William would let him leave William inspected all four walls of porn as well as the stacks (can you imagine looking at hundreds upon hundreds, maybe a thousand pornos and being able to tell if ONE is missing?).

When I told one of my friends this story he said, "how low can you get, stealing porn from a retard?" In my defense I was just borrowing it, AND I've helped William out a lot such as buying him a microwave oven and showing him how to use it so he doesn't eat three meals a day a jack in da box. So there.
When the going gets tough the tough go skimboarding.

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potter
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Post by potter » Tue Aug 02, 2005 11:43 am

you're still a porn from a disabled person stealer

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Post by CompletelyTrashedSquirrel » Tue Aug 02, 2005 1:56 pm

walkman wrote:you're still a porn from a disabled person stealer


Technically that's called DPPS for short. Disabled Person Porn Stealer.

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The Flying Finn
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Post by The Flying Finn » Wed Aug 03, 2005 7:49 am

CTS wrote:
walkman wrote:you're still a porn from a disabled person stealer


Technically that's called DPPS for short. Disabled Person Porn Stealer.
Good thing Dustin didn't do what I did. He would be an ADD-DPPS.
When the going gets tough the tough go skimboarding.

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